Quakers Allege Gov't Infiltration and Spying

At a press conference in Pensacola, FLA, this aternoon, Head of FEMA, Michael Chertoff, categorically denied a group of Floridian Quakers' allegations of government infiltration and spying. "We would have to be insanely paranoid, and wholly without regard for The Constitution and Bill of Rights of this great nation, to stoop so low as to spend critical resources on a bunch of moonbat AARP liberals while we are at war," said Chertoff. Jeb Bush, Brothernor of the President, also spoke, saying, "The government is not interested in spying on US citizens. Nor are we intersted in gathering information to be used to influence elections in any way. Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. And support real election reform by voting for Diebold Touch Systems! Yeah! Thank you and good night, Florida!"