Former Atty General to Replace Abramoff

-Woody N. Bernstein, VV staff Washington Correspondent

Former Attorney General, John Ashcroft, has replaced Jack Abramoff with the firm, Greenberg Taurig. "It was fortunate and providential, as we have the same initials, I didn't even have to have the door to my new office repainted," said Mr. Ashcroft during a press conference yesterday. He went on to announce that, building on past relationships, (see the third paragraph), his first client is Cristco (r) Anointing Oil. He then passed out the above flier to the attending officials.