RNC Concerned Over Plummeting War Chest

-Woody N. Bernstein, VV staff Washington Correspondent

Belying obvious concern over what was once the much ballyhooed Republican war chest, Republican candidate, Katherine Harris announced that her campaign's projections have been revised downward. Citing the sagging economy, flat response on the part of the public, and rapidly drooping support for the body of Congress, Harris compared her current war chest, which was once desribed as "mountainous," to a "mudslide." Offering "a couple of pointers," she went on to state that the party must address the contributors on two fronts, the "public and private sectors," to lift and separate itself back up and bolster its once proud position. "It's time to come together in firm bi-partisan support, and halter this cleaving of the party," she declared. "We must keep abreast of the times and regain control of this staggering deflation," she went on. In a surprise show of generosity, she capped her speech by announcing, "Anybody hungry? The flap-jacks are on me!"