Rebublicans Reach Out Across the Aisle

In surprise conciliatory gesture, Senate Republicans gifted Senate Democrats with Diebold voting machines last week. The machines were installed in the desks on the left of the aisle over the weekend, by Diebold staff, at no cost to the taxpayer. "The system of 'ayes and nays' is quaint and out-dated," said Sen. Bill Frist (R-Tenn). "We want our esteemed colleagues to feel appreciated and at the forefront of today's technology," he continued, beaming happily. Sen. Joe Leiberman spoke for the Democrats, saying, "I want to thank Senator Frist for this show of bi-partisan generosity, and I know I speak for my party in saying so." When asked why the machines were not installed on both sides of the aisle, Senator Frist replied, "They're always going on about how they're so 'progressive,' but we're old-fashioned conservatives, we like doing things the old-fashioned way."

In the first vote utilizing the new technology, the Frist-Lott "Relief for the Most Productive" tax reform bill, which permanently removes households earning an excess of $250k/yr., and/or with a net worth exceeding $10 million, from the tax rolls, as well as eliminates the "death tax," and taxes on capitol gains exceeding $100k, as well as all corporate taxes on Fortune 500 companies, passed the floor with a sweeping 100% favoring the bill. Citing fiscal responsibilty, the senate did announce that the $3oo rebate checks received by taxpayers in 2001 would be recalled, and interest on the "loans" would be charged at the legal usury of 18%/mo.