Unwritten Rules Written at Last!

-Chip Estrada, VV staff Travel Guide.

Having had my commute quadruple due to a recent office relocation, it's come to my attention that my fellow travelers are in need of a friendly reminder of the Code of the Road, especially in regard to the appropriate speeds per given lanes.

The basic rule is: The left lane is the "fast lane." Whatever lane you are in, you should be going faster than motorists in the lane to your right. Not just "as fast." If you're only going as fast as motorists to your right, you have found your lane-mates, signal and join them in that lane.

Lane 1 (as shown above): "The Fast Lane." The speed limit in this lane is "at least as fast as the motorist ahead of you." If the driver ahead of you is going too fast for you, you should immediately move over to the lane to your right. If the motorists in this lane are still traveling too fast for you, move over to the right again. Continue moving to the right until nobody is following you at a distance only measurable in inches (or centimeters, as the case may be). Pull over to the shoulder, if necessary, and let the sane people pass. The minimum speed limit for Lane 1 is the posted speed limit, plus 10. (Unlike it's widely believed, the posted numerical value is a "minimum" speed limit, and more of a "guideline" than a "rule").

Lane 4 (as shown above): This lane is for getting to your exit. This lane is where motorists slow down to the posted guideline in order to exit safely. And, it's for old ladies, (excepting my own Ma, very fondly aka: "the ol' bat outa hell"), the generally addled and confused, and possibly you, if you feel restricted to traveling at the posted numeric guideline.

Proper following distance: One car-length, no matter the speed. More than one car-length means: more than one car will cut in front of you, and those behind you. Your first loyalty is to those behind you, your lane-mates, not the assholes in the other lanes. You never know who is going to cut in front of you, it could be "Car-Length Man," who lets everybody on the effin' road in front of him. This is unfair to you and your lane-mates, don't stand for it! Close that gap!

Commuting on the freeway is exactly like waiting in line. You wouldn't let anybody cut in front of you in McDonalds, why allow it on the road?

Turn signals: These are used to indicate your intent to change lanes. Changing lanes can mean turning right or left, but it applies to any departure from the lane you are currently traveling in. Signalling for a lane-change does NOT require motorists in the space you intend to occupy to make room for you; you find your spot and get while the gettin's good. The guideline is to turn the signal on appx 100' feet ahead of your expected lane change. After you have made your lane change, turn the signal off, immediately. Not 10 miles later.

Motorcycles: We'll be out of your way in no time. Don't worry about us.

Cell-phones. Most of you can't walk and talk, let alone drive and talk. Hang up and drive. It's the law. Severe penalties apply: If you hit me while you're talking on the cell-phone, and I can walk away from it, I won't. I will walk to your vehicle, yank you from it, and beat you severely.

Rules may vary, check the rules in your area, and happy motoring!

-CE