2004 Election Theft Confession

-Megan Stuffup, VV staff Political Correspondent

In a surprise press conference held yesterday, former H&HS/domestic policy advisor, Claude Allen announced that neither President Bush nor Karl Rove nor Diebold Voting Systems (tm) had anything to do with the theft of the presidential election in 2004. "It was all my idea, I did it all by myself!" proclaimed Allen, who resigned his post for a more lucrative position as a consultant at K-Street, Inc. The independent, blue-ribbon subcommittee investigating the allegations of voter fraud announced that it will prosecute Allen, but that the charges have been pled down to misdemeanor shoplifting.