Cruise and Hayes Flee Southpark

-Ren Hoex, VV staff Entertainment News Analyst

In a bold move, Isaac Hayes has enlisted with Tom Cruise to battle the media behemoth, Comedy Central Studios. The pair, united under their shared faith, "Scientology," fled Southpark in a daring daylight escape yesterday afternoon. Like David and Goliath, the two returned today to wage battle #2, a tactical response to Comedy Central's flagship, "Southpark's" shock-and-awe first-stike episode, "Trapped in a Closet," which portrayed Cruise as a closet homosexual, and Scientology as just another Charlatan, "writhin' and tithin'," organized, pseudo-religion scam. The pair have announced they are "peed," and they're "not going to take it!" The antagonists in this war, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, were bruised in the melee of slamming flip-phones, but managed to retreat to their underground bunker within the Comedy Central Compound, exclaiming, "The Southpark will rise again!"

The war is on! Will it be a swift and clearly defined victory? Or, will it be an indefinite, ill-conceived, "Long War?" And, what will be the cost?