Pashcroft's Grand Entrance

-Woody N. Bernstein - VV staff Washington Insider

Demonstrating his resolve to approach his new position with passion, Former Attorney General, John Ashcroft parked two blocks from his new Greenberg Taureg office, and walked the rest in a catsup-stained, Motel 6, terry bathrobe this morning, toting a large, styrofoam replica of the "t" in "Cristco(r)," discretely persecuted by two unknown gay men.

Once inside, Mr. Ashcroft anointed himself with Cristco(r) Anointing Oil, and passed out the lyrics to "Let the Weasel Score," a hymn he'd composed the night before as inspiration for his new staff. It took a couple of verses for the crew to get the melody, but with Mr. Ashcroft's vigorous prompting, they did eventually raise a rousing finale, holding the final word of the ballad's title, "Score," for a record 420 seconds.

To hear the Ex-Attorney General perform his poignant vocal styling of his original, click here.