Saturday, April 29, 2006

Disney Acquires MsNBC

-Dr. Frodo Chopin

Caught up in the tide of corporate media mergers, MsNBC is now under the corporate wing of Disneycorp Media, Inc. In the change-over, several of MsNBC's programs, such as"Scarborough Country" have been been restyled in Disney's "Lion King" mold. "Scarborough" struck Disney's Don Duckwald as similar to The Lion King's chief villain, "Scar," similar enough to reformat the show's Joe Scarborough around the movie franchise villain's persona. Disney exec's have been quoted saying that the move will boost ratings and sell the merchandise line of "SCARbro" toys. Michelle Malkin has signed as a regular commentator, but is rumored to be protesting the disembodied head format in which executives have decided to present her.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

More VV Favorite Quotes

This month's author: Tom Robbins.
..........................

“Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won't adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words "make" and "stay" become inappropriate. My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free.”


“Philosophers have argued for centuries about how many angels can dance on the head of a pin, but materialists have always known it depends on whether they are jitterbugging or dancing cheek to cheek”

“Religion is not merely the opium of the masses, it's the cyanide.”

“To achieve the impossible; it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought.”

“Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature.”

“I believe in nothing, everything is sacred. I believe in everything, nothing is sacred.”

“The highest function of love is that it makes the loved one a unique and irreplacable being.”

“It is never too late to have a happy childhood”

“When they tell you to grow up, they mean stop growing.”

“There is no such thing as a weird human being, It's just that some people require more understanding than others”

“Equality is not in regarding different things similarly, equality is in regarding different things differently.”

>>>>>>
“Who knows how to make love stay?

Tell love you are going to the Junior's Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if love stays, it can have half. It will stay.

Tell love you want a momento of it and obtain a lock of its hair. Burn the hair in a dime-store incense burner with yin/yang symbols on three sides. Face southwest. Talk fast over the burning hair in a convincingly exotic language. Remove the ashes of the burnt hair and use them to paint a mustache on your face. Find love. Tell it you are someone new. It will stay.

Wake love up in the middle of the night. Tell it the world is on fire. Dash to the bedroom window and pee out of it. Casually return to bed and assure love that everything is going to be all right. Fall asleep. Love will be there in the morning.”
>>>>>>>


“When life demands more of people than they demand of life - as is ordinarily the case - what results is a resentment of life almost as deep-seated as the fear of death”

“Should one be shallow enough to view existence as a system of rewards and punishments, one soon learns that we pay as dearly for our triumphs as we do for our defeats ...”

“Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business.”

“There's always the same amount of good luck and bad luck in the world. If one person doesn't get the bad luck, somebody else will have to get it in their place. There's always the same amount of good and evil, too. We can't eradicate evil, we can only evict it, force it to move across town. And when evil moves, some good always goes with it. But we can never alter the ratio of good to evil. All we can do is keep things stirred up so neither good nor evil solidifies. That's when things get scary. Life is like a stew, you have to stir it frequently, or all the scum rises to the top.”

“The afternoon passed more slowly than a walnut-sized kidney stone.”

“In order to be respected, authority has got to be respectable.”

“Wild Ducks Flying Backward.”

“Ideas are mallable and unstable; they not only can be misused, they invite misuse---and the better the idea the more volatile it is. That's because only the better ideas turn into dogma, and it is by this process whereby a fresh, stimulating, humanly helpful idea is changed into robot dogma that is deadly. The problem starts at the secondary level, not with the originator or developer of the idea, but with the people who are attracted to it, until the last nail breaks, and who invariably lack the overview, flexibility, imagination, and, most importantly, sense of humor to maintain it in the spirit in which it was hatched. Ideas are made by masters, dogmas by disciples, and the Buddha is always killed on the road.”

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Great New Beatles Tune

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Vice Verse 1, Pt. 1.

I once met a man who called himself whore
he wasn't selling sex, he worked in a store
he equated his job to selling his soul
equated his fellows to slobs, moles and trolls

glassy-eyed staring, he ranted and raved
how having a job was sick and depraved

for

he was born for more
than being a whore
fortune was foretold
to wash upon his shore

no more stocking the shelves,
no more having to help
every one for themselves
and divided he fell

rumors of cutbacks were floated 'mongst the whores
the store's staff was bloated, there'll be firings galore
but his job was safe, indespensible, secure
of this he was certain, positive, sure

he showed up next morn at the door to the store
was told his services were needed no more
his job was exported o'seas to Belgrave
where whore is still better than slave

And the boss of the store waved his flag
Had his best year in years, he bragged
then a quick gust of wind
blew the flag from his hand
to the hands of a man torn and ragged

the man torn and ragged was Bob
the man who'd onced whored for a job
unemployed for two years
reconsidered his peers
and the crowd gathered round turned to mob

Bob'd become one with his neighbors
Boss called them one and all "traitors"
but neighbors and Bob
had been around the blog
said "thanks but you've failed as our savior"

all that is sold is a product of labor
slices of pie are cut with a razor
and the cut cuts the pie and people
who shut all the doors and seal off the steeple
claim all their minutes and command the cable
pull the wool o'er their eyes and oilcloth the table
putting the people into the fable
under penalty of law, removing the label.

Bazooka George

-Gnome Chompski, VV staff Historian

Young George W. Bush blowing a Bazooka (r) bubble. Dubya, we dub ya "Bazooka George." This photo is relatively undoctored, just enlarged and airbrushed to relative smoothness, done in the spirit of providing the Creative Commons with a larger version with which to avail as may be availed.

The Three Booshes

-Dr. Frodo Chopin, VV staff Dr. of Photology

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Rummy Gets "Time-Out"

-Megan Stuffup, VV staff Factual Consultant

Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld was sentenced to a "time-out" of indeterminate length, in a two-to-one vote by the Army's three remaing active-duty Generals, with General Barbara Bush, Jr. dissenting.

Three Generations of Cowboys

-Dr. Frodo Choppin, VV staff Doctor of Photology

Shown left-to-right: Prescott Bush, George "Aitch" Bush, and George "Dubya" Bush.

Remembering TV Land

-Lynerd Malkin, VV staff Televisionist

"My Three Sons" starred: Barbara Bush Sr. as Harriet Nelson, George Bush Sr. as Major Nelson, Neil Bush as Biff, Jeb Bush as The Beeb, and the irrepressable Georgie Jr. as Dubby.

Bush Boyhood Home Museum

-Blinky Freeman, VV staff Texologist

The remodeled Bush Boyhood Home Museum was recently remodeled to accurately reflect how it had been while the Bushes occupied it during the President's childhood. The remodel cost appx' US$1.8 million, but was paid for by FEMA, having sustained damage during Katrina. Speaking at the dedication ceremony, Barbara Bush Sr. wanted it clear that they "actually lived here, not in the Kennebunkport cabin," (shown below). The Midland trailer wasn't just a formality for Texas residency, required for George Sr. to run for political office there, it was the Bush's official home of record. The ex-First Lady went on to explain how it was that the Bush children attended New England prep-schools, saying, "Never you mind that the kids went to schools back up near 'Kenny-Bunker,' this was our official home, here in Texas. We were poor cowboys. Real folk. Why are you troubling my beautiful mind with all these questions? Go away now, I'm tired."

Saturday, April 15, 2006

General Bush Defends Sec'y Rumsfeld


Adding her name to the growing list of Generals coming out in support of Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld's handling of Operation Iraqi Liberation, Gen. Barbara Bush (US Army Special Reserves) spoke to reporters from her office in the Do-Decagon yesterday. "Uncle Don, like, is totally doing a way good job of being the boss of war. Just (be)cause those retired dinosaur guys say he isn't, is just (be)cause they're jealous old dinosaur relics of, like, the Civil War mentalogy. Today's Army is totally modern and needs modern thinkers like Uncle Don," stated the bright young star, who rose to the rank of General, having acquired 11 medals, including the Vietnam Service Medal, during Army Basic Training. On her meteoric rise through the ranks, Gen. Bush said, "I know what everybody thinks, like my Daddy or Uncle Don helped me, but it's not true. I did it with hard work and natural aptitudinous. And I earned all of my medals, too. I went to every single class for them. I'm tired now, go away."

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

New Hubble Photos


-Dr. Frodo Chopin, VV staff Doctor of Photology

The latest from the Hubble: Good news! Peace on Earth! Peace in space! Peace on shirts! Peace everywhere!

Peace out!

Earl's Wetland Habitats & Exotic Fowl Emporium

Convert your backyard patio to a federlly funded wetlands habitat! Don't miss out! Recently amended wetland classifications allow homeowners to claim federal funds for private wetlands maintained on their property! Let Earl help you get in on it! Did you know that including your yard in the BLM's base of wetland habitats entitles you to BIG write-offs on your property taxes? Come on down to Earl's Wetland Habitats and Exotic Waterfowl Emporium (formerly Disco's Hot Tub and Tanning Warehouse) today! Act now, before congress flip-flops again! Be a part of the solution!

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Young Girl Saves City

-Peter Parkle, VV Freelance Photojournalist

Seen swooping in to the rescue of Emjay, N.J., was the newest Superhero to join the Pre-Tween Protagonist League, young & pretty "Mya-Girl." Nobody knows her true identity, which is how she likes it. "I'm not in it for fame and fortune," she said (off-camera), "I'm in it to help people!"

Sturgeons Motorycle Rally


-Varmint, VV staff Motorsports Enthusiast

Sturgeons, the legendary annual motorcycle rally & road trip, featuring five days of rolling the five Great Lakes during the day, and fishing them by night, is slated for the week of August 14-18, 2006. This leaves participants with the surrounding weekends to get to Waterown, NY, and back home from Duluth. There are no entrance fees, and all bikes and bikers are welcome. Each participant is responsible for his/her own lodgings. A "Poker Run," is planned, see below for details. Since the weather is an unknown, the organizers are leaving the finalized schedule open for as long as possible to help assure a dry run. The final announcement will be made by Sunday, July 9.

The annual ride skirts all five lakes, riding by day, fishing and camping by night. It is also a planned "Poker Run." For those who haven't been on one, a poker run works like this: at predetermined stops a host awaits riders with a board-game spinning wheel. The arrow points to the cards in a deck, from deuce to ace. The rider pays the ante, spins the wheel and accrues a "card." There are five stops, yielding a five-card hand. The final card will be acquired at Jay Cooke State Park, where the winner will be announced. The winner will be awarded the entire "pot," which the hosts can do because the cards will be "dealt" at the days-end rally campsite. (Nobody has to hang out all day at an out-of-the-way stop).

This year's starting point is the Denny's at 1142 Arsenal St., Watertown, NY, breakfast starts at 8am, it's "dutch."

The rough itinerary is:

Day 1 (Aug. 14): Watertown, NY, to Lake Erie State Park, NY.

Day 2: Lake Erie State park to Lakeport State Park, Michigan.

Day 3: Lakeport State Park to Alpena State Park, Michigan.

Day 4: Alpena State Park to Illinois State Beach Park, Illinois

Day 5: Illinois State Beach Park to Jay Cooke State Park, Minnesota.

The organizers have hinted that this years end-of-ride party will feature a rock band with a plutonium rock hit. "We haven't signed yet, so we can't make a formal announcement," said one anonymous organizer.

Full-on itineraries and contact info will become available when the schedule becomes firm.

This is an unofficial event, grassroots, unsanctioned and unsponsored. The Varmint just might be there!

**Official commemorative ride shirts are available at: get the shirt

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

New From the Ministry of Misinformation

-Alexi Kahn, VV staff Etymologist

Jus-tice: n. Juss'-tiss; 1. Revenge, retribution, punishment. 2. Person empowered by The Party with the authority to exact revenge, retribution, determine and/or inflict punishment.

All other definitions have been classified archaic, no longer appropriate for a post 9/11 Merica, and are hereby discarded.

Prevaricating Prevaricators and the Prevarications They Prevaricate

-Dr. Frodo Chopin, VV staff Doctor of Photology

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Howard Weyer, Commie of the Month

CEO of Weyco, Inc., Howard Weyer gets our vote for Commie of the Month.

Why?: For his policy of terminating employees for legal activities partaken off the company clock, and company premises. CNN

Why "Commie?": The worst of communism is the authoritarian reach into personal freedom.

In question: The U.S. Bill of Rights.

The question: If rights and protections "guaranteed" by the Bill of Rights can be over-ridden by employers, by enforcing company rules into the private, personal lives of employees, into their personal time, what meaning does The Bill of Rights have?

The particular issue: Smoking tobacco cigarettes in one's own home.

The argument: Nobody's forcing you to work here. And, cigarettes are bad for you.

This issue goes beyond cigarette smoking, in that an employer, Weyco, Inc., has dictated its company rules over employee's personal activities beyond the perview of the employment. Weyco went as far as requiring blood-testing of employees to find out who smokes and who doesn't. Blood testing has been categorized as a "search," as defined by Ammendment IV of the Bill of Rights. If agents of the government have to conform to a minimum standard of "articulable suspicion" in administering a blood test, or breathalyzer test, but an employer does not, doesn't that place employers above the government? Doesn't that render the protections "guaranteed" by the Bill of Rights irrelevant?

"Nobody's forcing you to work here." No, but the vast, overhelming majority of us are "forced" to work somewhere. If any and all employers are above the Laws governed by the Constitution and Bill of Rights, and are free impose laws of their own, which deny the rights and protections "guaranteed" by the C&BoR to the individual, then the C&BoR's rights and protections are rendered meaningless.

That employers may enforce rules nullifying the C&BoR on their premises is legally and morally questionable in itself, but that they can enforce any rules which extend to an employee's "free time," is beyond "questionable," into "reprehensible," and profoundly anti-Constitutional. If America stands for freedom, it is unquestionably un-American. It's the worst of Communism, repackaged and bundled into Capitalism.

Enforcing company rules over smoking during an employee's non-company time is precident-setting, in that smoking remains a legal activity. If a corporation can exercise control over an employee's personal, legal activities/behaviors, then it may exercise control over any employee's personal, legal activities as it sees fit. Ergo, sports activities are dangerous, consumpion of alcohol can be harmful, watching television is unproductive and conducive to a sedentary life-style, which is not healthy, motorcycle riding is potentially dangerous, over-exposure to sunlight can cause strokes, certain viewpoints are counter to the company's interests, the risk of exposure to such ideas is increased by internet viewing, etc. All of the above could be construed as counter to the employer's interests, and by the standard set by Weyco, subject to regulation by the employer.

For making the bold, precident-setting move forward in advancing the feifdoms of employers, and furthering the rendering of the C&BoR meaningless, Howard Weyer, and his personal feifdom, Weyco, Inc., are most worthy of VV's "Commie of the Month."

SCOTUS '06 Official Portrait

-Dr. Frodo Chopin, VV staff Doctor of Photography